If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
