I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
