It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
