there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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