oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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