I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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