TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
