im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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