Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
