scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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