Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
