remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
