The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
