I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize