Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
