I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize