her vagine was all disorganized.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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