Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
