i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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