now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
