check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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