she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
