too bad you live with your parents still
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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