they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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