I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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