Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
