So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Enjoy the penises
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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