Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
