Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
