I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
