i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
