tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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