I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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