from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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