If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
