yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
