i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
