If that was your dad, he is hot
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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