ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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