i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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