you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
