i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
