I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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