Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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