when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
