I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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