hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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