Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
