genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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