i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize