I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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