So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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