he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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