I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
