I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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