cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is Oprah even human
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
