we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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