Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
