sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
