I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
