I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
