if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
