How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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