did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
