:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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