Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
