Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
