Your mouth is God's brothel.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the day after is always just damage control
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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