He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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