i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have fence marks all over my body
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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