I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
